For a good while, after quitting snooze inducing pills, I had trouble sleeping.
My body was taut. My brain was a thought Audubon. Tension was relentless.
And the miscellaneous fixes and cures I’d try were good – but sometimes costly – or simply ineffective all on their own. Thus, I’d try a bunch at once: teas, evening yoga, and a good batch of free youtube hypnosis videos to refine my mind’s fried mattress ramblings into something more tranquil and calm. That was a nice one – that hypnosis. A good cherry topper to all of my other efforts. I’d developed a good system. I finally found a way to fall asleep most of the time… if I was alone. But nothing can prepare you for an ear piercing pillow pal’s respiratory vibrations.
“In two more seconds, this’s going over your face…”
No tea. No hypnosis. No strategically placed crystals amidst burning sage leaves. All that prep’s for naught when your cuddly companion’s soft palate morphs into a motor under the moonlight – like some serenity decimating werewolf. Now, I’m not one to indulge frequent same-room sleepovers – be they roadtrip pals or playmates. But, if you’re anything like me, one sleepless night’s one too many. And, by next go round, I need a worthy workaround on deck to keep me from going involuntarily homicidal in my subconscious stupor.
So, I wondered: is there a workaround here?
After consulting with my search engine sensei, yes. There are always workarounds. The first step you can try is asking your snoring amour if they know about it or what causes it. If they’re open to acknowledging it and fixing it, then you can start suggesting things like sleep studies to get at the root of the issue. And mayhaps a few OTC aids to counteract their pharyngeal flatulence. For instance, there’s “Breathe Right”, nasal decongestants (though you shouldn’t use ‘em for long), oral decongestants, and anti-snore pillows (which I only just learned are a thing) which impart some cephalic support while widening your breathing tube.
And if they’re not so open?
Then, ya got some personal soul searching to do. And I’ve found a couple of good answers in this genre. The first is to ask yourself: is being with this person worth the noisy nights? If so, is there anything I can do to handle it? Some experts suggest the likes of white noise recordings to battle the cacophony. Sounds of running water, birds, herds of African elephants – whatever does it for you – might serve as a sleep aid, despite the unwelcome peripheral purring of your partner. However, another answer I saw online by a random Quora answerer might be the most fascinating and worthwhile one I’ve heard yet:
I grew to enjoy it. It’s a reminder of her presence next to me and as I doze off to the noise (it really is a light snore) I think to myself how lucky I am to have her there snoring which I’d prefer to her not being there at all.
Hashtag: this all day long.
So, to recap: you can try changing the source of the stentorian snoring.
And, if they’re not feeling that, then you can try changing yourself.
And if both fail, just slip hypnosis infused headphones with normal respiratory affirmations over their slumbering skull.
(“And now onto part 3 of ‘The Uvula Whisperer’…”)
Or a nice plastic bag.
(Duh, of course I’m totally kidding on that last one. Plastic bags are bad for the environment.)
Best of luck, my fellow tympanically tortured friends.