Marilyn Monroe was famed for spritzing on nada but Chanel No. 5 before bed.
But what if there was a spray that could help you actually make you go to sleep?
Alright. Calm down, Cos.
No, it’s not a roofie. Or a perfume for that matter. (Though I’ve found much success with aromatherapy.) What it is, is a bottle of stuff put out by a company called Marz, which you spritz into your kisser like a breath spray at bedtime. The upsides? Well, there’s no sugar, no gluten (if that’s a thing for you) and it’s not like there’s some benzo potion inside knocking you out and secretly getting you hooked on mystery narcos. It’s au natch: melatonin, valerian root, and gaba. All stuff you can pick up sans a script from your local pharmacy aisle. Couple that with the fact that the route is oral, and you get a nice rapid absorption. No gagging on parade float sized pills, waiting patiently for them digest only to learn that they don’t, and subsequently wishing you could spit them back out like ammo at the sheep you’ve been counting for the past three hours. So all’ve that’s good.
But there are a couple of things to be wary of when it comes to the ingredients.
As I sifted through the reviews, I did hear great feedback about how well the Marz product works. However, what I also read was that there’s one potentially inimical ingredient that’s also in there along with the liquified hippie herbs: propolyne glycol. The alcohol they use as a solvent… in antifreeze. And plastics. And perfumes. And… food? That’s right. Toxic or not, for some reason this stuff’s given the green light for your mouth in certain amounts. Even though there are studies linking its exposure to allergic reactions. And cell mutation. And the MSDS sheets themselves dub it a “hazardous material”, while citing that skin, liver and kidney damage can happen after exposure to the stuff.
But even if the Marzians whipped up an extra special batch of the stuff that’s not gonna transmogrify me into some ghastly creature eligible for X-men auditions, I’d still politely decline. Why? Because, when you think about it, this’s just another pill in mist form. It’s the same damn thing, just entering your system faster. And just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it won’t eff up your flow.
That goes for the whole collection.
(Gotta love that second to the last one of sprayable V8 for your spawn…)
Not long ago, I did a bit of research on melatonin, only to learn that it’s not necessarily something you wanna rely on for sleep. Sure, it might cure your probs with nodding off. But when you feed your body an extra dose of this hormone, it sets off a cascade of other internal reactions that catch up with you later. Body processes don’t happen in a vacuum. In the long run, you end up groggier and suffering “cognitive fog”. (What’s the point in sleeping if you aren’t refreshed enough to face the day after?) And what’s the solution to sneezing sleep ingredients and toxins into your oral cavity? Getting some sunlight exposure during the day (or mayhaps one’a those seasonal sun lamps that make your brain think it’s getting day rays). And avoiding blue light at night. Exposure to photons in the early A.M. helps balance our your melatonin levels, while poring over a phone in the P.M. effs ’em up. People (including me, a lot of the time) hate that this is the answer because it means having to habit change. But as someone who gets it wrong most of the time myself, I’ll be first to admit that the few times I get this balance right, I sleep far better.
In sum, sorry bout it, but I don’t think this aerosol will aerosolve your sleep problems.
Sounds more like “outta the tired frying and into the fatigue fire” to me.