Is your pillow habit becoming a problem?
Interfering with your life? Work? Relationships?
Or – more importantly – your sleep? Ya know, the whole reason you bought them?
While I may not have a long term relache with a single anime painted one the size of me (like Mr. F.), I do have a similar issue. A more… polyamorous one. And I’m ready to admit it here and now: I’ve furtively been a long time hoarder of puffy headrests. Why? ‘cause I don’t eff around with bedtime. In fact, if we ever share a hotel room and I’m magnanimous enough to allow you one of those flaccid decorative bolsters for cervical support, you should feel lucky. So much so that you Instagram its pic with the hashtag “blessed”. But you can’t blame me. I’m just trying my hardest to erect a replica of the fluffy fortress I build around me every evening. And I’m only doing that because I’m trying to save you from experiencing the wrath that is Ash after logrolling around on a mattress uncomfortably all night ‘cause I couldn’t sleep. I’m doing this for you, love. For us.
However, experts indicate I may’ve been doing it wrong all along.
And, who knows, maybe you have too:
Like “how” we use our pillows – whether it’s one or three of ‘em.
While they suggest not putting a ton of pillows under your head, did you know why? Because pillows are meant to just eliminate that angle that sits between your neck and shoulders once you’re in rest mode. I didn’t know that. I thought the whole point was to keep building a tower to the cosmos like Finn does in that episode of Adventure time.
Except, ya know, with my head as its Christmas tree topper.
But, alas, I was wrong. It’s too much and induces rigor mortis neck by the time you open your eyes again.
“Baby’s building a tower to necro-neck and lockjaw…”
What’s the alternative? One pillow. Just get a single one that’s a little larger than one half of that cotton stuffed mattress tower you’ve been perching your cranial bowling ball upon all along. Why? I imagine it’s the “princess and the pea” syndrome of that little bit extra of two being excessive compared to a one and a half sized pillow. That, I imagine, coupled with the fact that stacking stuff makes it uneven and thus uncomfy. In a way, it’s kinda like the same reason I should just buy a grande latte from Starbucks instead of two short ones throughout the day – even though the amounts end up about equal, where one large is just enough, two tiny ones are too much. And I can’t sleep later.
But, should you become one of the folk who use just one pillow (laughable, really; do these people genuinely exist?), there’s still a slumbering guideline to keep in mind. And that’s that your body’s meant to be positioned midline with your neck, brain, and the sphere it lives in – all nice and straight. To accomplish that, they suggest you avoid laying on a pancake-y pillow, because your head’ll fall down, spaz out, and have you doing the Thriller all day tomorrow.
Or, you might be doing the lower body version of that by sunrise if you’ve become a single-support side sleeper with hip or back probs. Sometimes laying like a right triangle all night can do a number on your nether bones, muscles, and everything else you rely on to usher your torso around. The solution? Something akin to what James’s got going on up there. But if you don’t have your own Kimiko style body pillow to wrap your limbs around, then take that extra pillow that was formerly jacking your skull up like a broken down car, and slip it betwixt your knees instead. This’ll give you a bit of hip support.
(Or invest in one of these. To be sent to my house. So that I can safety test it for you.)
As for me? I’m somewhere in the middle of this. Laying with my head, neck and spine aligned are a challenge for my scoliotic body because these components respectively crumple up like a dying spider when I try to drift into the subconscious abyss. So the whole single head cradle concept’s simply not an option for me. Nor is the side thing. I A.) must lay supine and B.) need extra fluff to pack me in like a dismembered extremity in a cooler if I’d like to remain linear when I lay down. And, lucky for me, they’ve got a suggestion for this issue too. Three pillows, they say: one for the head, one under the knees, and one under the feet.
Fantastic advice, says I. Really taking it to heart. Three is a good, well-rounded figure, a great compromise, and a number I can totally do. Twice. Three pillows under my butt and knees. Plus three… for my head, feet, and the gentle non-sentient side cuddling I enjoy which no bag of flesh could possibly live up to.
But if they’d like to try, they’d better be alright with settling for second best.
Maybe I should take a tip from Franco and just invest in a giant body pillow.
With him drawn on it.