I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.
I can be a real snooze shrew some mornings.
“Did I even sleep last night? Or take part in a nocturnal marathon?” I’m asking myself this as my dude’s alarm sounds off with some rock song I’ve come to hate via negative association. It’s been this way since I hit womanhood, pretty much. But unlike ages ago, these days, I know what I need to do to balance it out. I have a routine. When I follow it, I’m golden. When I don’t, I have morning’s like these. Still, I find myself feeling suddenly envious – wondering a whole new question: why isn’t he – with all his aches and pains and late nights – bitching as bad as I am, rolling back over, and snoring through every hole in his face? He makes waking up seem so easy. Am I just being a big vagina here? Or do women genuinely need more sleep?
Well, according to a British sleep science study, yeah.
We do need more rest.
But, per logic, we are also being big beavers. Let’s hear about the research bit first, though.
Per Dr. Horne director of the Sleep Research Center at Loughborough University:
“The more of your brain you use during the day, the more of it that needs to recover and, consequently, the more sleep you need. Women tend to multi-task … and so, they use more of their actual brain than men do. Because of that, their sleep need is greater.”
“So, that means we’re smarter (herpderp), right? ’cause we use more brains ‘n stuff?”
Wrong.
It means we’re built in such a way where our brain’s’re thought barraging us all day to exhaustion.
So, we hafta counteract that. As Horne ‘xplains:
“This is because women’s brains are wired differently from men’s and are more complex, so their sleep need will be slightly greater. The average is 20 minutes more, but some women may need slightly more or less than this.”
(To be fair, though, there is a host of other reasons for us needing more sleep: including hormonally related wakeups, getting karate chopped in the mug by a massive forearm at four A.M., and being shaken awake for penetrative purposes. But I digress.)
Now, I get that this is kindofa generalization. Which is why the pros also concede that dudes tasked with lots of decision making all day long will suffer the same plight: overtaxing their domes. And that, as a result they too may need to nab a snooze surplus in the A.M. as well. “Though probably still not as much as a woman,” says Horne. While I appreciate the sentiment and empathy for the fairer sex of which I’m reluctantly a member, don’t carry me over a slumber puddle just yet. ’cause I don’t feel like it’s this cut and dry. Sure, facts are facts, and I’m not gonna deny ’em. Sure, we’re wired differently. I’ve even made the analogy before: a dude’s brain is like having one interweb window open at a time. My chick brain is like a Chrome browser with a katrillion tabs open at once, til I hafta CTRL+ALT+DEL, shut down the whole shiz, and start over. (Especially when I’m floating between patients at the clinic or playing diction designer here on Tyrd for your eyes and brain to wear.) It takes a lot of multi-tasking. And by the end, yeah, my brain’s a bit spent. But if more sleep were the answer, then why do I accomplish less on the days I sleep more? Riddle me this: How do I wake up at 4 A.M., meditate, do yoga, write an article, go for a run, go off to work for 9 hours, come home, and run again before going to bed? How am I doing more on an average diet of dozing?
It’s that overlooked thing I’m usually doing in between.
This is where that acting like a pussy thing comes into play. Yes, we may need more “rest”, but how we get it is subjective and totally up to us. I’ve come to learn, through trial and error, that giving my brain a break doesn’t have to mean sleeping. Thank god, too, ’cause it’s kinda a time eater. (I gotta take out my contacts before, fix my makeup and hair after, and time my alarm just right so I don’t end up with snooze button zombie syndrome for the rest’ve the day.) Given that I don’t have any more hours in the day than anyone else, I’ve tried to find the most efficient way to maximize those hours. (It was hard, because it meant habit changing. #butdidIdie?) After trying to convince myself and everyone around me I “didn’t have the time”, I finally had an epiphany about my own bullshiz and started making time. Time for yoga. For meditation. Even those tranquil nature jogs. By doing all that, I realized I was literally giving my brain a break. Technically, all these things are forms of meditation. And meditation allows time for the brain to repair itself in almost a better, more efficient way than sleep does. Why? ’cause you don’t have to worry about interrupting yourself mid-cycle, and waking up all groggy. It’s like sending your mental Aladdin in to grab the magic lamp instead of going yourself and getting stuck inside. Repelling your inner Scientologist into the vault, and retracting him when the job’s done. Making your partner remove his missile when know he’s about to-…
Come to think of it, though, since you’re conscious during meditative activities, you end up strengthening healthy connections while retaining a state of awareness and lowering stress levels. This has been shown in many an MRI scan of monks and nuns Om’ing out for a while. And what’s this do? Well, it leads to a better sense of well being throughout the day. (Which I def don’t get after hitting snooze a twelfth time and still waking all achey.) Thus, while I accept and acknowledge the susceptibilities of my woman brain, I also use my woman brain enough to know about the power of limiting belief systems. And that there are workarounds… if you make time, not excuses.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hafta make like a Hindu god and complete my entire to-do list in a nano moment.
That way I’ll have time to Zen the stress away straight after.