When it comes to anxiety induced insomnia, we all “get” that the body and mind are connected.
Trying to doze with your mind in attack mode’s nearly impossible.
“Why am I wearing makeup to bed?
Why am I wearing makeup to bed on white sheets?
Why’s a stranger in my room? Why’s a stranger in my room taking my picture?”
Studies have proven it repeatedly.
When we can calm our batshiz breathing down and stimulate our vagus nerve, calm will come about. And so will relaxation. And sleep. But our respective tension twisters have a tough time stopping just because we will them to. Doesn’t exactly work that way, does it? All it takes is your brain tugging on one negative thought thread, and the whole psychosis sweater comes undone. Voila. You’re left with hummingbird heartbeat syndrome anew, as you ruminate for another half hour about stuff you can’t do anything about right now. And you know what makes that so much harder to control? Or change? The fact that you’ve been in that rhythm of shallow breathing, fight or flight mode all day long. (’cause you spent it half working/half waiting for the next call you’re gonna get from the pre-school about your toddler shanking a kid at naptime for his snack pack.) That’s challenging to simply toggle off. You’ve been practicing that anxiety habit all day. And whatever we practice, (whether we mean to or not), starts to come more naturally to us. (Whether we want it or not.) That’s why each time you start to focus on your breathing, it typically culminates in with cerebral sabotage: (“Inhale, two, three.. Exhale, two, thr-…Hey, remember how bad your boss humiliated you at work today? Let’s think about that for the next twenty minutes while I make your neck and chest tenser than a Michael Crichton novel.”)
This is a common experience. (Hence the douchebag brain meme.)
So, first things first: you should feel okay knowing that’s totally normal.
Important: note that I say “should”, not “can” – because judging yourself for not being able to calm down is like pouring Tabasco sauce on your already festering insomnia laceration. And now that you know there’s nada wrong with you and that self-ridicule’s opposite of helpful, we can solution search. What can help click your nightly radio over to a sleep frequency? What can calm your breathing?
I was wondering this myself one day when I came across this device called the NightWave Sleep Assistant.
What it is, basically, is the blue eyed version of Hal from Space Odyssey. Except, instead’ve backtalking and trying to murder you, it fills your lair with a blanket of cool light – oscillating in intensity, with the aim of synchronizing your air sipping rhythm to it so you can doze off. So, I went to Youtube to check the demo. Again, the visual confirmed what I wanted to believe. I could see how that pulsing glow might just induce a proper puffing rhythm to pave the way for slumber. Indeed, it both sounded (and looked, from the video) really good in theory. And I was thisclose to next day’ing one to myself via Amazon, when the trusty customers from said site unknowingly stepped in with a testimonial intervention. Unfortunately, looking at reviews, people seem to deem it no more than a forty-five dollar, plastic POS.
While the main complaint I kept hearing was how small it was, that wasn’t what convinced me. Lots of badazzery comes from small gadgetry. (Just look at Zoolander’s phone.) Rather, what got to me was the fact that everyone also seemed to agree that the waves of light came on a bit jerkily, making it tough to synch breathing up with. Everyone’s calm, oxygen sucking patterns vary; they don’t match perfectly. So I dunno how the limited settings of this machine could possibly accommodate each sleeper uniquely. Also, I have to wonder – why do they use blue instead of amber light? Isn’t blue light at night no bueno for melatonin production? Yeah… I think this thing’s got potential, but I wouldn’t buy it yet. Maybe after they add an amber light feature and let it gauge your heart rate for catered settings.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for a respiratory whisperer and don’t wanna waste money, try this guy:
I came across his videos a while back when I was going through prescription-withdrawal induced insomnia.
And homeboy’s pretty legit. Aside from the fact that I want to make a coat out of his voice and dance to “Goodbye Horses” in the mirror with it, his hypnoses are entirely calming. Especially this one I stumbled upon more recently. What it does is calm your noggin by steadying your breath. Whereas a light leaves too much room for frenzied thinking to creep in and cause erratic respiration, you’re getting direct instructions here. And it’s done in a calming way. The result? You get sent into deep sleep in under half an hour. And the cost? Complimentary. (Because: Youtube.) And that’s the major selling point for me – there is no sale and it takes very little of my time before I’m primed for rest. The whole hypnosis is all of 22 minutes and 0 dollars.
(The best sleeps in life are on the house.)
’cause when you know you’re saving time, money, and avoiding a groggy tomorrow?
Well… that’s just three fewer things to keep you up, anxiously breathing each night.