I didn’t get it.
Each weeknight at home, I was tossing and turning. But my weekend sleeps at bae’s were great. Next level. Perfect. So – what was it? Why was I enjoying such a wonderful slumber at my lover’s abode and not my own? Was it his mattress? The spooning? Waking up, cuddled in the pit of his arm? Enjoying the reverie of an unconditional, blissful, interaction characterized by mutual understanding, gratitude, and respect?
Nope.
And I’m not saying that to sizzle the illusion of a beautiful relache making for a great sleep. It totally can. But, the thing is, we had all’a that too when he came over here. Yet I still slept like Fido’s feces post table scraps from Happy Hunan. So, it clearly had to be something else. Seeing as I don’t have the cash for a mattress replacement, I shelved that notion and went for the next difference on the list betwixt his place and mine: that relaxing fan of his. The one that sounds like the ocean. Now, I’ve written about how white noise is a great sleep tool before. (Probably on a list with a bunch’ve other stuff.) But, I’m A.) low key crappy at actually taking my own advice and B.) one of those cynics who doesn’t care if the evidence and research says something works; I’m just not likely to try it until I know how or why it works in a way that makes sense to me.
And, indeed, I finally get it.
See, I always thought the idea was that white noise just masks the sounds of traffic or your animal licking itself or whatever. It was just always just described to me as a generic sound drowner. But that explanation was too vague for me. Because, if the only thing we needed to do was “cover up” noise with other noise, then I could technically listen to anything – from Enya to Deftones – right? Wrong. Because the lazy explanation I kept getting lacked the legit answer – which is that white noise doesn’t just give you some other sound to listen to. It gives you every other sound to listen to. It’s a constant sound emitted across all audible frequencies. In other words, it’s hitting all the frequencies at the same time. And why’s that matter? Because the reason noises keep us from sleeping or wake us up isn’t because of the noises themselves. It’s the change in frequency a sudden noise causes. If we go from hearing a nice audible nada to our neighbor dropping a bowling ball in the apartment above, that’s jarring. It’s a disturbance in the force. It wakes us up because it’s different from what our ears were just detecting. But, if a white noise machine or fan is already pumping all’ve those frequencies out simultaneously, there’s no sudden change detectable. We’re already hearing it – along with all the other ones. It’s like getting all the rainbow colors at once. White noise is basically ahe backward auditory prism. We get all the colors (frequencies) at once and our ears hear the white light (noise). So, go ahead. Taste the restful rainbow with those sound receivers on the sides of your head.
And, sure, you could go all out and purchase the expensive version.
But you truly don’t hafta pay for that or even a whirring nocturnal snooze robot.
Just pop on a complimentary YouTube vids of white noise if you’re not in the market for a fan.
Because we’re all fans of a good night sleep.