In my 20’s, I’d get gussied up before I went out.
In fact, I expended a lot of brainpower picking the right outfit.
Why? I dunno. Probably ‘cause I was amped to go loaf off’a someone else’s bottle service.
These days, however, what excites me most is that moment I climb into bed to read, broadcast my deep thoughts on social media, and enjoy a nice long reprieve from my own brain (not counting the innumerable, unwelcome, witching hour wakeups). And you wanna know the funny thing? In the old days, I was only out for four or five hours tops before coming home and disrobing. When I sleep (on a good night), I’m presumably getting in the recommended seven. Yet… I don’t go all out with my gear for sleep. Why not – when I’m gonna be spending so much time in it? Is it the fact that no one’s going to see it? What about function? And health? And comfort? Don’t I have any integrity here? Why haven’t I been investing in a good snore wardrobe like I did my whore-drobe back in my party monster days?
Deciding that this defect of my character needs to change, I put on my research gear.
And went spelunking in the caves o’ Google for a pajama panacea.
What should I be wearing to bed?
Let’s do some comparing…
Silk
For a good long time, I went through a phase where I wore nada but silk slips anytime I was home and in lounge mode – including sleep time. The plus is that it matches your body’s temp related needs; if you’re chilly, it’ll warm you – and if you’re warm, it’ll cool you down. The downside? If it’s legit silk, it’s a bish to hafta clean. Also, if you’re rockin full jammies (or a robe) of silk, you can expect some slippage and mayhaps a few mishaps in the form of graceless bed dismounts.
WetWickers (moisture wicking)
I actually had to look this one up. But the idea with moisture wickers is that if you tend to sweat while you sleep, the fabric does the dirty work of collecting your disgusting body water. That way, you can lay there snoring and your bod’s temperature regulation can carry on unhindered. I dunno. While I love the idea of smart fashion (espesh the kind that lets me sleep without waking up in my own pore drizzle), I just can’t help but thinking I’d be sleeping in that one magical dish rag the whole time that the slap chop guy used to promo.
Old fashioned flannel
For me, personally, I’m not a fan of flannel pajama pants – just because I’m such an active sleeper. And with the friction of flannel against my blanket, that means I’ll’ve rotisseried myself into a blonde burrito by the time the alarm sounds. That said, there are some definite pluses to this trusty go to for those of you whose bodies are calmer than mine. For instance: it’s soft, comfy, warm, and lets your skin breathe (versus some of the other warm options sans the aeration that over-roast you). I’d say another “con” is that they’re tough to make look sexy, but that’s subjective.
And also, this:
Bamboo…?
I had to confirm this one was a thing – just because I’m ignorant and still have this concept of bamboo being strictly for kickboxing shin strengthening and putting under the fingernails of your foes in Vietnam. However, sure as my bruised lower leg leg, there it was on the list of sleepwear. The plant may be hearty, but the fibers spun outta it end up soft and silky on your cutaneous coating come bedtime. Like the dishcloth jammies above, bamboo’s a natural moisture wicker, meaning you regulate a comfy temp. But it also has additional benefits – for example, how it’s hypoallergenic, biodegradable, and (allegedly) has anti bacterial properties. I’m not sure how some of those pros would benefit me specifically – but I admit it’s still sorta appealing. Even though that’s probably just because I’m an aspiring hippie. One who hugs and kicks trees. (And may start wearing ’em soon too, apparently.)
Cotton
While it’s au natch, light, breathable, and cuddly… the couple big drawbacks of cotton might just be enough to make it worth dismissing from the list. And that’s that (kinda like the opposite of silk) it doesn’t insulate well or moisture-wick very effectively for those who sweat mid snooze. In other words, if you’re going through menopause in the winter while rockin’ cotton to bed, you’re gonna have a bad time.
Sheep sheathing
Wool or fleece is something I’d suggest. That is, it’s something I’d suggest if you’re lost in the frigid wilderness, equipped with nada but shears, and come across a community of sheep. Those are pretty much the only circumstances I’d recommend it for. Why? ‘cause while the stuff keeps you warm, it overheats you until you wake up wondering why you chose pajamas made of fire ants. The disgusting yes-and to this is that, as you accrue skin blisters, you’re also perspiring all the while – seeing as fleece doesn’t let fresh oxygen get to your body’s surface. I can vouch for this as well as a diabolical cousin of it: abhorrent angora. I was forced to wear this stuff back in middle school. And I still can feel the skin above my ribs burning and errant hairs of baby blue bunny follicles in my eyes. And face. And nose holes.
Bras… to bed?
This one’s an interesting addition I figured I’d inject for the ladies.
Many of us wonder if rocking a boulder holder (or pebble net) is helpful in preventing saggage down the line.
“Keep trying? Or give up altogether and spend my golden years freeboobing?”
And… the verdict’s unfortunately still out on how much it helps. No real scientific evidence thus far. However, I can confirm what the experts do have to say about this (along with every other kinda sleepwear on here). And that’s this: wear what makes you feel comfy. For me, lately that’s been a light bra and something barely-there-but-enough-to-keep-spiders-from-entering-nether-orifices. For you, that might be any of the above options. Yes, even the disgusting, self-punishing fashion like lamb locks or Thumper’s fuzz. But now, thanks to this research, I can add a fabric related yes-and to my routine. In fact, I’ve made a final decision. I’ll be calling my seamstress imminently to fashion some skimpy Franken-jamas for me: Bamboo cups for the boobs, sexy silk for the bottom…And, of course, a light lining of slapchop dishcloth wherever my pores tend to pour.
Hmm. Actually…
Add some hooker heels, and that sounds like something I would’ve worn to the club in my 20’s.