Little league games.
Project deadlines.
The car breaking down in the middle of the freeway on your busiest day, ever.
There’re plenty’ve legit “not a problem you brought on yourself” reasons for why you might not have gotten a good sleep this week. It’s the nature of the battle that is being human. Honestly, sometimes a good night’s rest’s just not in the cards for us. But the show must go on, am I right? And we can’t have you looking like an exhumed cadaver all day long. So what’s the fix? How can you make yourself look effortlessly refreshed – even when you spent the night, wide eyed and numbering imaginary woolen animals, to no avail?
Although I’m not a fan of masking bad habits, I can admit that I’ve definitely been there. And once the cruel light of morning’s come and the damage of nocturnal sabotage has already been done, all I want is a cure. Something to get me through the next day. I mean, there are plenty of ways to keep your body and mind awake. (Hello, Pez dispenser loaded with espresso coffee beans.) But when you have to interact with fellow species members for your job all day, the eyes don’t lie. With a pair’ve puffy fuschia sacks dangling under them, those peepers won’t keep secret the fact that you had a horrid sleep. They’re the windows to the soul. So what kinda glass cleaner can you use to make that view a little prettier and perkier?
Glad you asked.
When I hafta drag my haggard face through the day, my first concern’s ensuring I don’t do it looking like Benicio del Toro.
(“Whatever, bish. These are Prada.” #FairEnough)
Unfortunately for Benny, I think it’s genetic. But, for the rest of us, one big fix for this is agua. And lots of it. Then, for the day ahead, avoid salty stuff and anything that’ll make you retain water. (Yes, we’re talking about that fast food lunch and sugary coffee.) In fact, a protip to follow even if you can’t get to bed on time tonight is that you can attack saggy ocular skin tomorrow by doing two things this eve: elevating your head when you do (finally) turn in and turning down that Sauvignon beforehand. Salt and alcohol make for aqueous retention while a noggin that’s not elevated creates fluid buildup under your eyes. Not a cute combo.
Equally opposite of cute?
The no snooze raccoon look.
Yes, that whole trash panda thing is cute in exactly one instance: if you’re a trash panda.
So how can we nix dark circles? Well, you know how you drink caffeine to wake your brain up? It also works for those unwanted lavender lower lids that shouldn’t exist. Get a cheap, caffeinated eye cream or roller and slather a layer of that good stuff on first thing in the morning. Why? Because caffeine works on those blood vessels to constrict them. Likewise, so does ice. (Or anything chilly, really.) So, for an effective twofer, pop your product o’ choice in the fridge between uses, so the cold can double your efforts. (Eye-forts? No? Too much?) And if the color’s still too much after all that, you might wanna smite those purple purses beneath your peepers with some concealer. (Talking to the chicks and open minded dudes who don’t subscribe to heteronormative expectations now, obvi.)
(In which case, I say just go Drogo level draggy with the face paint. Embrace those ebony rings, girl.)
However, if you’re new here in cosmeticopolis, you’ll wanna find the right shade. Don’t just go for the same foundation you’re geisha’ing across the rest of your face. I read somewhere that putting light colored concealer over under eye circles is like putting a white shirt over a black bra. Ratchet and a half. (Unless you happen do that, in which case: omggg that looks so cuuuute on you…) To avoid that, you wanna go for a complementary color to cancel it out – like mayhaps a shade with a tinge of yellow in it. For me, I like to get all my shiz in one place, so I go with the Garnier under eye roller. It’s got the caffeine and it’s slightly tinted. Simple. Plus, since it’s a roll on applicator, there’s no concern about getting messy creams all over the place or waiting ages for your skin to soak it up. I just pop it under my eyes first thing in the morning so it has time to absorb the caffeine.
Obviously, you can’t sub a quick fix in for a legit slumber. Not consistently, anyway. It’s not a long term solution. But, when the struggle bus is the only ride you can hitch through this city called life and it’s not making long stops in Slumberville, you’ve gotta improvise. It’s basic survival. (Surv-eye-val? Still no? Geez, tough crowd.) And, until you can capture some quality mattress hours…
Hopefully these anti haggard hacks can at least help you look like you did.