Graveyard shifts: No nighttime Z’s could cause the big “C”.

The graveyard shift.

There are plenty of fun explanations for why they coined this term for nocturnal working.

For instance, one fun rumor centers on the belief that the phrase initiated in the 19th century. The idea’s that sometimes people who hadn’t officially checked out got boxed up and sent for an extended subterranean stay under the local outdoor tombstone museum. Not a pleasant way to wake up, I imagine – in a box. And, since that scene from “Kill Bill” is unfortunately not plausible IRL, that meant the former corpses would need a li’l assistance emerging from the earth to rejoin society. According to people (creative liars, I think they’re called), the caskets had a ringing device in them so the un-dead could sound it and attendants working the … you guessed it – graveyard shift… could come to their rescue.

Now, obviously, that sounds like fun to someone as equal parts morbid and whimsical as I am. However, the reality is far less exciting. According to Michael Quinion (from something called World Wide Words – experts on this sorta thing), it’s just an old wive’s tale. (Yet another phrase like “graveyard shift” I’m not clear on – is it old lady fables we’re talking about? Or bored housewives exchanging old myths?). He goes on to offer another exlanache. And, disappointed as I was, it made more sense, considering the fact that the term “graveyard shift” allegedly didn’t arise till after the 19th century. The graveyard shift, he says, was popularized ‘cause it brought to mind “the night shift between about midnight and eight in the morning, when – no matter how often you’ve worked it – your skin is clammy, there’s sand behind your eyeballs, and the world is creepily silent, like the graveyard…”

Sounds a lot more likely, yes?

But there may be more than meets the bloodshot eye here. That is to say, there could be an interesting yes-and to this term… on a far more morbid level. One where your P.M. “shift” could lead you to the “graveyard” sooner than planned. And why would I say something awful like that? Only ‘cause it’s true. Because back in 2007, the International Agency for Research on Cancer (the cancer arm of the World Health Organization) added overnight shift work to their list of probable carcinogens. And how’s that possible? Because: melatonin. When you force your body to power through snooze time, you eff up your circadian rhythm’s (that’s your body’s biological clock) flow. That means melatonin (which you normally make at nighttime) gets disrupted too. (‘cause light shuts down melatonin production.) Why’s that matter? A number of reasons – not the least of which is the fact that it helps squelch budding tumors.

And how’d they deduce this?

Well, to be fair it’s not “proven”. It’s just a very strong correlation they observed after noticing night shift nurses tended to land themselves a dose of cancer earlier than the average Jane. Initially, I was skeptical. The fact that many chicks and dudes working till sunup respectively ended up with breast and prostate cancer didn’t necessarily prove anything. It could be a number of factors. I mean, when I’m sleep deprived, I make some pretty poor choices. So, maybe, if you’re living a life without enough Z’s, you end up with the big C for a litany of other reasons. Because indulging in toxic habits seems a little more appealing than it would on a full tank of melatonin with your wits about you. (Plus, I also hear most nurses just hate their jobs anyway – so maybe all that negative thought builds into a cancer bulb. Who knows.)

And the researchers conceded this… and proceeded to look at wider demographics. Even animals.

And what’d they find?

This:

“Also, animals that have their light-dark schedules switched develop more cancerous tumors and die earlier.”

Now, I dunno about you, but my dog’s only vices are torpor and turd purging where she’s not meant to.

She doesn’t sneak outside for a smoke when I scold her. And she doesn’t hit up the local melanoma salon to get a base tan for summer. I imagine most other animals are similarly abstemious not by choice, as well. Which means, if those with no carcinogenic vices (and robbed of nightly rest) have higher chances of cancer and early deadsies too… then there’s a bit more evidence for the correlation above.

So if the “clammy, sandy-eyed” description rings a bell for you night owls…

Then it might be time to ring your two-weeks coffin bell device, and depart the graveyard shift.

Before you prematurely end up in a real one.

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