Going to bed at nine on the nose?
Logging the recommended 8 hours?
And still waking cranky, exhausted, and longing for more snoozery?
Well, you just might have sleep apnea.
Sleep apnea is an especially difficult issue to diagnose if you’re single because most cases are noted not by the direct sufferer (you) – but by the secondary sufferer: your significant other. This is the person who has to hear the loud sound of your respiratory distress all night long. The snoring. The moment of panic when you stop breathing altogether. If you’re fortunate enough to have someone to notice this, the fix is simple. You head in for a sleep study. Then you get fitted for a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine. And, voila. So long as you don’t rip it off during the night, you’ve got a means to breathe, your sleep is unbothered, and you rise next sunrise, fresh as a daisy.
Okay, so what about us single folk with no S.O. to watch out?
If a snore happens in the forest and no one hears it – is it legit apnea?
Yes, and while you may not be able to hear yourself desperately hoovering in oxygen nocturnally like a reverse face fart, there are signs. But they’re all things you might notice the next day. (Not when it’s actually happening.) The first? A dry mouth. Because your oral cavity’s been ajar all night, fighting to keep you alive, it’s gonna be a little light on saliva. Hence the desert in your face hole. The second sign? A morning headache. While there’s no consistent reason for this one across the board, one contributing cause is often the position we put our neck in to optimize airflow. When your cervical spine is in a poor ergonomic position, it can cause not only neck pain but cervicogenic headaches.
Then, there’s sign number three.
Excessive daytime sleepiness.
it’s probably the most noticeable one because, while the other two might dissipate within the first hour of waking (causing you to forget about them altogether), this symptom tends to last most of the day – even if you roll around an I.V. pole of espresso like I do. Chronic grogginess (also called hypersomnia) is a telltale sign that you didn’t get a quality slumber. You might have not been conscious of it, but you didn’t achieve all the normal cycles of sleep we require to be fully rested come sunrise. Your body was too busy waking you up intermittently to remind you to breathe so that you wouldn’t, ya know, never wake up ever again. And this dovetails with the final sign that you’ve got apnea: difficulty paying attention when you are awake. Being perma groggy makes concentration pretty tricky. You might just notice that you’re a bit less clear than you usually are… or you might feel like you’re experiencing your whole world through a foggy filter and that your mind is moving like a drugged slug through mud. So, if you’re suffering any one of these symptoms consistently, don’t waste your days in a haze.
Go schedule a sleep study, stat!