Sleep Better By Unleashing Your Cognitive Vomit

So, you’re laying there and you can’t sleep.

Why?

It could be a zillion reasons. Sometimes it’s got physiological roots. You’ve just had an intense late night work out. Or a fight. Or you drank caffeine too late. But more often than not, it’s none of that. It’s just that the thought cars on your mind track are doing laps of the Indy 500 variety. And, because there’s so many of them and they’re going so fast, you can’t just throw out a neural fishing line to lure them in and clear your brain lake so it can rest. So, you lay there for an hour, marinating in this tornado of cognitive garbage, accomplishing nothing. You don’t fix any of the issues afflicting your mental state. You don’t figure out any of the thought problems bouncing around in your noggin. They just kinda whirl around, tag teaming your sanity until you burn out enough to pass out.

(I’m still not sure if this is the universal stress gesture or if people are trying to actually squash their own heads.)

But is there a better way?

Absolutely. The trick, when this happens, isn’t to try and fight it. Now, while I’d highly recommend meditation for the self calming aspect, sometimes addressing the underlying issue is necessary as well. And that’s exactly what I’d suggest here. When this happens, what I tend to do is pull down the chain on my Tiffany light, sit up in bed, and make a list of everything rendering me sleepless. Some of it’s tomorrow’s to-do’s I’m afraid I’ll forget about come morning. Some of it’s guilt about the chores I put off. Some of it’s resentment toward that coworker or a significant other or a family member regarding something left unsaid. I’ll get up and I’ll write down everything bothering me. So, that’s step one. Writing down what you’re worried about.

Step two (and this may seem obvious, but not everyone does it), is writing down what you’re gonna do about it. Upset with yourself that you left the dishes piled so high this week that it’s touching the floor of the apartment above you? Write down what you’ll do. I’ll clean the kitchen. I’ll do the morning workout. I’ll tell my girlfriend that it’s cruel and unusual to Dutch oven me in the middle of the night when we’re sleeping. Whatever it is – affirm that you’re definitely doing it as soon as you wake up. But that sounds an awful lot like procrastination, doesn’t it? And that’s where the next step comes in.

So, right next to that list is where step three holds you accountable. You’ve said what’s bothering you. You’ve said what you’ll do about it. Now comes the part where you set a time. When are you going to do this? Whenever a boss or friend or partner wants to set a meeting or an outing or a date night, what do you do to make sure it happens? You set a time. You make a plan. A goal without a plan is just a wish, most say. And the same goes for both your big dream to build a career as it does for you to scrub the tub that’s looking awful grubby after a couple months of cruelty free African black soap. You have to know when. By jotting down when you’ll do it tomorrow, you hold yourself accountable to actually doing it. There’s no second guessing or doubt about it. It’s stamped into your mental agenda (and physical one too) for tomorrow.

(Wearing these stripes because I’m a prisoner sitting in a cell built of obligatory chores! Wearing a smile cuz I built it!)

And, if it’s there on paper, all organized, then guess where it’s not? It’s not in your skull, assaulting you and thieving sleep from your evenings. You’ve transferred it. You’ve extracted and simplified this complex monster. So, if your rest time has become one of internal disorder keeping you from sleep, try this tip. But don’t wait until you hit the hay to reawaken and make your to-do list. There’s a far simpler route. Go ahead and seek these issues out before bedtime. Ask yourself what’s looming, write them out, and snooze peacefully, knowing your woes are in writing and waiting to be solved tomorrow at whatever o’ clock on the dot.

Sleep Easy With These Natural Tablets

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Okay, so I haven’t tried glycine yet.

To be fair, my life’s been so busy that the only time I spend online now is when I’m writing for you guys. Other than that, I’m either in my clinical rotation that starts at 6 A.M. every morning, working out, sleeping, or adulting. And, as part of my adulting, grocery shopping is obviously on that list. Now, back when I had a life (and money), I’d make that outta-my-way trip to Wegman’s to get the gourmet level lavender infused fancy sleep aid stuff. But now, I’m all about convenience. I hit the closest grocery store to home (Food Lion), get my run in, and fall asleep while it’s still sunny. Only problem? It’s really flargin’ hard to sleep when the sun isn’t. Lucky for me, the slumber gods were watching over me last trip I took down the sleep aid aisle. There I was, wading through a sea of packets containing chemical laden tablets, and there it was. Surrounded in a halo of angel glow, was something I’d not seen previously: a packet that read “Drug-free sleep aid”. What’s more – it was a quarter of the price my bougie Wegman’s go-to.

Naturally (no pun intended), I flipped it over to read the ingredients:

Sure enough, stuff like lemon balm, chamomile, and even my fancy azz lavender were all in there.

And they were coupled with just the right dose of melatonin, too. (So many companies go overboard with too much of that stuff and it can mess with your system.) On the one hand, I was apprehensive about trying something new so early in my clinical rotation. What if there were weird side effects? What if it took too long to have an effect and I was still groggy in the morning? What if I slept through my alarm? They’re all legit concerns. But, to be honest, about now, my bigger concern was how groggy I was becoming in the morning thanks to the fact that I couldn’t fall asleep on command – and wasn’t getting more than a handful of hours before my alarm went off. So, I took these chewables home, crunched one up before bedtime, started binge watching the OA on Netflix, and – like clockwork – I started getting super snoozy within half an hour. Maybe not even that. Mind you, it wasn’t that druggy feeling you get from pharmaceuticals (or even some strong azz sleepytime tea like Yogi makes; that stuff is no joke).

It was just a sweet, peaceful, need-to-sleep feeling that I appreciated.

(And none of the usual urinal wakeups I have about three times a night, urging me to wake and purge my bladder…)

So, that’s great and all… but what about dependency?

That’s my other concern I always have. (Am I gonna get the shakes and scratch my jugular out the second I run out?) Yet, fast forward to a week of using this stuff nightly, and I got my answer. And I was pleased. I went through my usual Friday night just fine without needing my new snooze inducer. Granted, a glass of wine was involved. (Okay, maybe a glass and a half…Get off me.) But I didn’t feel any of that same cracky, antsy sort of feeling I’ve ever had when my body’s becoming dependent on a chemical of any kind. So, there you go. If you’re tired of dishing out dollars for delta waves and buying overpriced organic sleeping tablets from your gourmet grocer, then don’t. These cheap badboys from your local Food Lion or CVS will get the job done just as well – if not better – and save you tons of money.

(Which you can put toward that Friday night glass of Cabernet you’ve earned…)

Sleep Tips: Rest Better With Glycine At Night

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Think you’ve heard of every sleep remedy?

Wrong.

Don’t feel too badly. I did too, up until this morning – at 3 A.M., to be exact. Now, you might be thinking that’s a setup to talk about how I’d been up all night due to insomnia and that this article’s gonna tell you how to fix that. Spoiler alert: you’re wrong again. Rather, that’s my new wake up time. I get up at 3 A.M. every day for the next two months to go order a bunch of marines around. (My final PTA clinical affiliation is on a military base.) But waking up isn’t the hard part. The hard part is getting myself to sleep before the sun does, because I don’t function so well on fewer than seven hours. So, you can bet that I’ve been breaking out all the stuff I’ve been writing about. I’ve got my magnesium citrate. I’ve got my zinc. I’ve got my thermostat down. I’m even pretty tired by that point in the early evening. But, because it’s just so much earlier than I’m used to snoozing, I can’t seem to zonk out.

Last night, as I lay there, I tried to zero in on what was making me feel so awake.

I’d stopped the coffee early, so that wasn’t it. Was it stress? Was it the daylight peaking through my blinds? Was it when I’d eaten my final meal of the day? As I threw the covers from my body, I realized the real problem here. I was hot. Even with the temperature set at my usual low level for rest time, my body was still warm. Why? Because I’m so active during the day, there’s no time for it to cool down before I sleep. I tossed and turned until the sandman came for me, determined to find the answer the next day. And, when the next day came, so did the answer. See, apparently, the internet doesn’t just spy in on your conversations and text messages anymore. Evidently, it can actually read into your brain. Because, this morning, guess what was up on my “recommended video” list for YouTube? None other than a video on a sleep supplement that helps cool your body so that you can fall asleep. Deciding not to look an Orwellian gift horse in the mouth, I clicked and learned about how something your body naturally manufactures (that can also be manufactured by companies for profit and sold to you) can help you snooze… by cooling you:

Glycine.

This stuff seems to get decent reviews.

(Especially if you couple it with Magnesium like this stuff does…)

And how’s it work?

Well, we’ve all learned how magnesium can help you nod off. But the way Glycine works is by increasing the flow of blood to your limbs. When that happens, your core temp goes down. We’ve seen before how your body has to cool down in order for you to get quality sleep. And, because your body’s temperature fluctuates, this can affect your sleep-wake cycles, diminishing the ability to nod off. By facilitating that cooling action, it’s easier to achieve those Z’s. Indeed, studies recently performed showed glycine in supplement form to induce a drop in body temp – which correlated with earlier onset of sleep and more time in REM as well as deep sleep.

And, while this would be enough to say I’m sold, there’s more. In addition to reducing your core warmth, glycine also boosts serotonin. You’ve probably heard of serotonin before – the “mood booster”. However, what you may or may not know is how it’s required to make the slumber hormone, melatonin. So, by upping glycine via supplement, serotonin can increase, which resultingly boosts melatonin. In fact studies done on the oral glycine supplement specifically correlate with elevated serotonin, diminished insomnia, and better rest. So, if you’ve tried everything else, give supplemental glycine a go so you can rest better.

(Preferably in a tinfoil hat, so the ad-bots can’t read your thoughts…)

Sleep Tips For Daylight Savings Time (Part 2)

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So we’ve outlined why moving all your daily tasks up and doing them earlier helps the DST segue.

But how do we hack the rest of that daylight savings time issue?

I mean, I can physically go to bed early… but what if I’m still not tired once I lie down?

(When you know you ain’t gonna fall asleep anyway, so you just stay dressed and half outta bed.)

But, as always, I’ve got some natural answers that’ll keep ya from running to your Ambien drug dealer.

It’s as simple as the last set of tips, too. See, one thing I’ve found whenever I have to set my own bedtime for a new and earlier sleep routine, is that there’s one non-negotiable, super important element. It’s the thing that decides whether my recalibration is a success or not. And that’s what I do the hour before I turn myself into the sleep meat between my blanket and mattress sandwich bread. See, before I started writing for this site, I was terrible at this. My pre-sleep habits then were as poor as my metaphors are now. But, once I started integrating the following tips I picked up through trial and failure, snoozing sooner became pretty easy.

First?

Supplements

Magnesium citrate and zinc are my biggies. But if you’re having trouble falling asleep, sometimes it’s less about stress and more about a deficiency you specifically have. If you think that might be you, hit up your doc and have a talk. If you know already that you tend to be deficient in something, try a whole food that’s rich in it, or seek a supplement. Magnesium citrate is great because Mg is your natural muscle relaxer that you need for normal physiological function and the citrate aspect puts it in a more bioavailable form so your body can process it. When I take this on the regular, I have zero issue sleeping. Zinc, on the contrary, may not help you fall asleep – but it’s linked with keeping you asleep (especially if you’re one’ve those wake-up-to-pee-every-three-hours types like me). So try these to acquire naptime status and remain there until the alarm goes off.

Sleepytime tea

(Drink it ’til your vision’s as fuzzy as the quality of this photo…)

Okay, I’ll admit it. I experiment on my friends for the sake of science I can show to you guys. And, for every person I’ve administered my favorite teas to, I get the same results. *Insert ZZzzzZZ emoji* The highest ranked teas of the ones I’ve given are Tulsi Holy Basil (rose flavor) and Yogi’s Sleeptytime tea (cinnamon flavor). They’re the McGregor to your overstimulated brain. Done. Lights out. Finished.

Lights Out

But, after that tea punches your lights out, you hafta take advantage by keeping the lights out. (No, literally.) Ever notice how you’re half asleep on the couch, and then you make the mistake of turning on the bathroom light to brush your teeth before bed? And the sleepiness evaporates? The workaround is simple. Have your supplements and tea – but brush your teeth right after. Then, after that, enjoy your last half hour or whatever of pre-bedtime wind-down on the couch, getting drowsy from your herbal remedy, with the lights either low or off. Then, when it’s bedtime, you can just go straight to sleep without breaking with your sleepiness flow.

Snooze tunes

I don’t mean anything with lyrics. And nothing too exciting. But, whether you listen to those binaural beats that tranquilize your brain or old school Enya is irrelevant. Just put on something that’ll get you there, and time it to go off after you’ve achieved sleep status. Need some suggestions? There’s the Marconi Union song that researchers recently showed correlating with rapid nap acquisition. There’s the sounds of falling rain or crickets chirping in the summer. And, of course, there’s always classical music to help you toggle down when the clock says it’s time to.

(Already have a favorite fall asleep playlist? Stick with it then!)

Hopefully these tips help you ease the DST PTSD.

Got any tried and true tips for me? Add them in the comments below!

Sleep Tips For Daylight Savings Time (Part 1)

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Really? It’s afternoon already?

Yes, it’s officially here.

Daylight savings has arrived, the clock shock has hit us, and we all feel cheated out of a full sixty minutes of our Sunday.

(Actual footage of your boss shutting his door on you and your colleagues tomorrow morning while he takes a nap in his office…)

Come Monday, we’ll all be a bit more bitter than usual about the fact that we didn’t even get a full weekend.

Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. But, whichever way you spin it, the transition can definitely continue to be a bit more difficult to integrate into our lives well into the week. It may not seem like much of a difference, but that one hour may make getting to sleep on time a challenge – and the waking up part even harder the next morning. So, what’s the fix? It’s actually pretty simple. You just do all the things you’d usually do when you’re about to start a new job where you know you’re gonna hafta rise ‘n shine when the sun isn’t yet. (Like I’m going to need to do in a week or so when I have to start waking up at 3 A.M. again for clinical rotation…) What you do is program your somatic computer to track with the time change. It takes an adjustment period. It’s not fun, initially. But once it’s your new normal, it hard to even recall the former routine you used to have. And, while that all can be a challenge in application, having an actionable plan can alleviate the pain of change. In fact, there are some simple tried and true tips we can each activate to ease the alteration toward spring’s clock. (Ya know, so we don’t have to hammer-smash the springs out of our clocks.)

Here they are:

Wake up earlier

During my last early morning clinical rotation, I was already nodding off by around 4 or 5 P.M. Why? Well, when you’re waking up at 3 or 4 every morning to get in your workout before work, your body’s about ready to throw in the towel far sooner than your colleagues’ might be. Doing so will also ensure that you’re ready to rest on time when night comes – versus staying up for “just one more episode” of that new show you just discovered. Don’t have another good reason to inspire that earlier alarm? Keep reading…

Workout, first thing, and outside, if possible

Waking up early for the sake of falling asleep later may not feel like much of a motivating force. For me, knowing I need time to workout helps. That’s my motivator. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That may sound like more of a deterrent than anything. Waking up is bad enough. But now you have to work out as well? Well, aside from the waking up early making you fall asleep later, and aside from working out motivating that wake up, there’s a good reason for using this as your inspiration. First, it means your daily workout is done. Finished. No dredging up the willpower after work. Also, after a long day and a workout early, it won’t just be your mind that’s too tired to stay up racing later on this evening. Your body will be too. And, if you can make that workout happen outside as the sun rises, that’s even better – as the exposure to sunlight helps regulate those sleep-wake cycle hormones.

(Check my girl, flexing like a boss out in the morning sunshine.)

Supper sooner

By now, you may be noticing the “early” theme to everything. So, you may have guessed by now that eating is gonna be on that list, too. By pushing up all the things on your routine, you trick your mind ‘n body into believing that the day is ending sooner. And food is no exception. Whip up that delicious dinner early, go on a post supper stroll, and then hit the hay.

Match your wind-down timer for DST

Don’t know what a wind-down timer is? Every night my boyfriend’s over, there’s this little lullaby chime that comes on his phone. It’s an alarm, intended for weeknights, to remind him that it’s time to stow the phone and start thinking about thinking of nothing from under the covers for the next seven to eight hours. All you gotta do is set that timer back a bit from what you’re accustomed to. And don’t think you’ll be fine without it – because that shiz sneaks up on you every time during this stretch of the year…

(IKR?)

Okay, so now that we’ve drilled the “earlier” thing in, you might be asking, “why?” This is what I wondered when I read lots of articles suggesting the same. I mean, my phone automatically resets to meet daylight savings time hours. It’s not like I have to change the time on anything for the sake of waking up too late or whatever. But, as I learned last year after I started doing this, that’s not the point. The point, rather, is what will happen if you try going to sleep at your usual bedtime. Let’s say you try to get in bed by 10 most nights. What happens on those nights? There’s probably a good fifteen minutes to half an hour of tossing and turning first, right? We don’t just go from chores to immediate powering down, most of us. Anxiety and adrenaline keep us awake for a while. When you go to bed tonight, your body’s already gonna be tossing and turning, because it’s still on “ummm… it’s only 9 P.M.” time. This means you won’t actually fall asleep until half an hour or more than your usual time, making your total hours of slumber logged less than what you require. By backtracking that time-for-bed alarm to go off even just fifteen minutes to half an hour earlier, you give your body time to do all that pre-delta wave sheep counting before you legitimately drift off. And then there’s no sleep lost.

Done all this but having trouble talking yourself into laying down early?

Then try the following tips to make that last hour before bed a bit more soporific…

A Cover That Cools You To Sleep?

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We all face it.

It’s an eternal issue.

On the one hand, we wanna keep our flesh temp down enough to rest at night. (We all know how important it is to remain cool for snooze time.) So, we take off the blanket. But then, naturally, the prospect of a fleet’ve Legion demons emerging from under the bed to opportunistically eat our exposed toes, forces the heat absorbing fleece back on us. (Obviously. Totally rational fear we all have, right?) What’s an insomniac to do with all these totally sane and logical conundrums that definitely aren’t based in delusion?

(You call them toes… Satan’s henchmen call them Vienna Sausages…)

Two words:

Cooling blanket.

I know, right? It sounds like a total oxymoron. But, apparently, this are a real thing. You get all the protection of swaddling up in womblike cloth, with none of the sweltering side effects that typically come with insular comfort. And how? What sorcery is this? Well, by way of regulating both the temp and wetness. Indeed, through some wizardry of technology I don’t understand, these blankets work to cool you by managing both heat and moisture – moving said heat from your body so you don’t sweat at night. (And by “you”, I mean me – who tends to awaken drenched and legit wondering whether I hit the treadmill in my bedclothes.)

So, that’s nice, but… do they work?

(Homegirl was gonna give a review. But this is her first good sleep since the menopause sweats hit. I didn’t wanna wake her…)

Looking at the verified Amazon purchaser reviews, the answer seems to collectively be… yes. Yes and a half, even. While the one I analyzed was also a weighted blanket, the chronically hot snoozers reported that there was no added heat and that they were kept cool through snooze time. Not only that, but the “emotional comfort” it offered was off the charts as well. (So long, toe munching Succubus residing on the underside of my sleigh bed.) Only caveat? You’re gonna pay for it. I’ve yet to find a well reviewed one that’s under a hundred. But, in a way, it all comes out in the wash if you’re like me and you hafta turn the A/C on full blast and drive up your bill to get any rest. Plus, can you really put a price on feeling swaddled but not suffocated while you sleep?

So, if you wanna stay cool without the nocturnal goblins eating your feet, try these chill quilts!

How Not To Lose Sleep As You Lose Weight

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Like to to unwind with a nice jog after your job is done?

Okay, maybe it’s not for everyone.

But, winter aside, I love it. They say movement is medicine, and I definitely need a generous dose of the stuff after work. It’s a nice way to get back into my body after my brain’s been in overload mode all day. But many an expert on all things rest will tell you that’s a cardinal sin if you wanna surf them delta waves later. Late afternoon workouts disrupt rest, they say. But is it true? Does working out before bed mess up your sleep? And, if so, why does an evening jog in the woods actually act like a night cap for people like me? Am I an anomaly?

Not necessarily.

I mean, I’m not negating it 100%. There is a science to why it can. Your core temperature alters. Your adrenaline might be higher. Those facets all remain. However, what a lot of blanket statements fail to take into account is the obvious: not all of us are built exactly the same. Also, neither are all kinds of exercise. Take, for example, the study done in 2011 observing subjects who snoozed just as peacefully post workout as their control group counterparts who hit the mattress sans hitting the gym first.

And, as mentioned above, I find this to be true on a personal level, as well. I’ve slept like an infant after working out more often than not. However, there is a caveat. As someone who works out at all hours in all kinds of conditions, doing all kinds of workouts, I will say this: doing an afternoon or evening jog in the forest – at a moderate level – is not the same as doing some intense MMA training, departing the dojo at 8 or 9, and trying to go home and go straight to sleep. You might as well have had intravenous Starbucks for an hour or two instead. As someone who enjoys “two a days”, I often use this to my advantage. My morning workout is HIIT, which wakes me up. And, if I do an evening workout, it’s best kept at a peaceful-but-still-burning-more-than-I would-on-my-sofa jog on the trail. In sum, it’s not night workouts that are bad. It’s the type of night workouts that can stymie sleep. But the fix is simple.

Save intensity for the A.M. and make the P.M. seshes a bit less sweaty and a bit more zen.

(Remember, not all workouts are created equal)

That way you can lose weight without losing sleep.

Why Aromatherapy Helps You Sleep

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Bath bombs. Candles. Diffusers.

You may have heard about all of these sniffable, hippie, new age answers for your insomnia.

And you may have eyerolled so hard that your mug got stuck looking like the monster from The Grudge.

I hear that.

Up until a couple years ago, I thought the same. But something changed for me. Three things, to be exact: good Amazon reviews, evidence based research, and (most importantly) personal experience. Okay, so let’s break it down. I’ll admit the Amazon reviews aren’t the do all to end all. Peeps get payed to praise products all the time. So, I take all that kinda info like (insert name of whatever that liquor is called that I don’t drink): with a circle of salt around the rim of the commentary cup. That said, if I do have a hunch that the reviews are true, I’ll do additional research. I’ll talk to real life buyers. Maybe I’ll check the Facebook opinions. Maybe I’ll consult my trendy friends who know everything about everything. Or, in this case, maybe I’ll read the research to see if actual studies have shown this shiz works.

Indeed, my research on the research did not disappoint.

According to studies done on actual sick patients (not just chronic nocturnal complainers like myself) exposed to aromatherapy oils, reduced stress effects were measurable. And I’m not talking about interrogating patients on relaxation levels. I’m talking quantifiable data. Sounds ridiculous right? How can you possibly measure how relaxed someone is? (Aside from maybe with a breathalyzer, after a full night of imbibing?) Easily. In fact, you can do it pretty simply with an EEG. What this machine does is to measure the brain waves of a given subject. In this case – subjects who were subjected to lavender oil aromas.

And what did it find?

It found the same thing that happens after you walk into that yoga studio with the candles going. Or when you stroll down the soap and lotion aisle in Mom’s Organic Grocer. After administering lavender aromatherapy, these poor miserable wretches were suddenly stress free. The machines showed marked spikes in both theta waves (which are associated with meditative/light sleep states) as well as alpha waves (which are associated with relaxation). And you wanna know the real kicker? They didn’t take half an hour of tossing and turning to achieve it.

The effects kicked in within a mere three minutes.

(Protip: you don’t hafta pick it fresh from a field or pay for pricey oils. A cheap diffuser’ll do.)

So, there’s your fix, my sleepless loves.

Tonight, nix those sleepytime scripts and spend your cents on scents instead.

Why You Should Lie About How Long You Lie Down

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You’ve probably heard of sleep hypnosis before.

You listen to some sort of recording that tells you you’re sleepy and relaxed. It keeps doing this repeatedly, as you lay, eyes closed. And, before you know it, you’re out like a light on an overridden circuit. But let’s say that doesn’t work. Let’s say you get a less than stellar rest. Can you do the same – the other way around? Can you still hypnotize yourself to think you got a good snooze? We know that affirmations work. But can straight up fairy tales do the same? Are affirmation fabrications a thing?

According to research efforts, it’s totally true; telling lies about how long you lie down for can actually make your brain believe you’re more rested, stimulating your reticular activating system, and enhancing performance. The caveat? That the study was single blind – meaning the participants were deprived of time devices and genuinely believed they got a certain amount of sleep. So, there wasn’t any subconscious part of them to secretly doubt that false affirmation. However, it’s an interesting study inasmuch as how our beliefs and emotional state dictate a lot for us. The study alone should show us that it’s not the lack of sleep messing us up the next day. It’s our anxiety about how too much of a sleep debt will make us fail at work, lose our job, travel home with our office belongings in a box, and drive off a cliff – all because we had one night of insufficient sleep. We work ourselves up. Our brains tell us that lie that it’s gonna be worse than it has to be. So why not put that brain power to better use? And tell a better lie? I mean, even without the scientific studies, I’ve witnessed false affirmations work in reality.

My buddy, Rich, on the contrary wakes up each morning like he just had an epi pen shoved into his cardiac cavity.

(Couldn’t find an appropriate pic of said friend. You get this re-enactment instead.)

This is something he just does on a regular basis.

And, much like his many other lovable idiosyncrasies that’ve become trademark habits of his, it’s just become part of him. It’s built in. Even after nights when he’s only caught Oliver Twist level servings of sleep, he’ll still wake up like he’s just been issued illicit intravenous amphetamines. It’s all about “good morning!” or “time to awesome the eff out of today!” Now, whether or not he’s trying to convince himself of something untrue, I dunno. All I know is that he what he says first thing and how he lives the rest’ve his day match up beautifully. And what’s he get out of it? Well, for one, it works. You won’t catch that dude sneaking in afternoon naps later. What’s more, though, he’s literally one’ve the most successful mofos I know. He’s an entrepreneur, improv comic, and probably has an underground operation in the works to usurp Apple imminently. The fact that science backs this is just further confirmation for me to fib about how many Z’s I catch.

The takeaway here?

Don’t freak out about sleepless eves. The stress from that alone will tire you even more.

Just start telling whoppers about nod off time… and you’ll be fine.

The Trick To More Sleep Is… Less Sleep?

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So… you just had a stellar supper.

Filling. Satiating. And all of your sanguine contents have traveled to your gastric cavity to digest it. Obviously, that leaves you super sleepy. But you don’t wanna move from the sofa just yet. I mean, you’ve been at work all day. You’ve been looking forward to Queer Eye since six A.M.. Life shouldn’t be all about work with no down time. So, maybe just a little snooze, right here on the sofa, is in order before officially throwing in the towel and hitting the hay. That’s totally fine, right?

Unfortunately… No.

According to sleep specialists, this practice (of which I’m particularly guilty, btw), is no bueno for sueño time. And it’s kind of funny too – because I always rag on my poor boyfriend about his incessant insomnia being caused by long post work naps. “Don’t nap so close to bedtime,” I say. “It’ll keep you awake later,” I say. But, jump cut over to me and my own horrible habits, and I’m truly no better with my post dinner sofa dozing. In a way, sleep is kinda like something you hafta pay for. And you have to pay for it with this sort of “sleep pressure” that builds up over the day. That means bae’s midday naps and my pre-night lie downs equally pilfer pressure from that sleepiness we need. The result? The dozing loan sharks come in the night, cut off our snooze appendages, and send our would-be blissful sleeps to the bottom of an insomnia ocean in concrete boots.

But you wanna know the good news? The good news is that this doesn’t hafta mean you just clock out early altogether and deprive yourself of conscious downtime. Not at all. There are simple fixes for delaying uninterrupted dream time until later. For example, if sleepiness hits you in the mid afternoon, try productive tasks that don’t demand so much focus – like a light jog, walk, or that laundry mountain you’ve been procrastinating on folding for so long that it almost needs another go in the dryer for dewrinkling. Or, if it hits you right after dinner when you’re mid Netflix and you’re done moving your body for the day, the tip is simple: remain vertical. (Or get in a position that prevents you from nodding off.)

For me, so long as I don’t lie down, I’m good to go. But the second my skull hits a pillow, I’m doomed.

(Me actively forcing myself to enjoy mindlessness instead’ve faceplanting on a carpet I don’t have the energy to vaccume.)

So don’t fret about rest smiting your downtime.

Just delay daytime dozing for a next level nocturnal rest!