Can’t sleep? Try some rabbit smack!

It’s not often you’ll see dope sold over the counter.

Alright, alright… while wild lettuce extract isn’t exactly that, it has indeed earned the street name of “opium lettuce” thanks to its narco-like qualities of mild euphoria. (Coupled with the fact that the plant itself oozes a sap not unlike a poppy does.) A perfect sleep aid (if taken in moderation). For this reason, the stuff’s become popular for many a restlessness related malady – from relentless anxiety to recurrent insomnia. That’s right. Some unique strain of that unassuming food that lightning fast bunnies eat… can slow your body and brain down enough to conquer the sleep beast.

And that might be because of its analgesic (comparable to ibuprofen, they say) properties. In fact, the stuff’s been so effective as such that it dates back to Nefertiti times. The ancients realized early on that it could quell everything from sleeplessness to sexaholism – along with muscle aches, period cramps, and even that hematoma I’ve got on my arm from muay thai class. And, if I’m being honest, a lot of these little aches and pains I ignore all day are often the reason my brain can’t saunter off to sleepsville in the evening. My too tense shoulders. My too tight hips. My locked up face muscles that feel like my jaw’s been stitched shut by some inimical Grimm’s Brothers grandma character. Back in my valium days, all’a that would go away double fast after a dose of benzo. The problem with that being that A.) drugs like valium are addictive, and B.) The condition becomes worlds worse the second that sedative is missing. Which is why we’re entertaining the option of OTC wild lettuce today.

And what do the professionals have to say about it?

Well, per herbalist Dr. Christopher Hobbs:

“Wild lettuce is a mild sedative and nervine used for restlessness and insomnia. It may be found in a variety of formulas for the treatment of acute and chronic insomnia. It is used homeopathically for restlessness and insomnia (Boericke, 1927). Because of its safety of use and calming effects, wild lettuce is a good children’s remedy.”

And what about applications?

According an alternative medicine website, it’s said that “ a study published in the Journal of Ethnopharmacology in 2006 found that lactucin and lactucopicrin (chemicals naturally present in wild lettuce) reduced pain and promoted sedation when given to mice.”

Well, that sounds nice. But I was still bothered about the lack of human tests.

So I set sail on my Google ship to Amazon island, and got the next best thing to scientific human testing.

Human testimonials:

(No need to count sheep after counting all those stars. This stuff just might be the answer.)

As for me, personally, I generally prefer to stick with the stuff from the tea aisle until I’ve got a bit more on the research front. If I’m being honest, initially it vexed me that few human studies’ve been done with the stuff to prove its efficacy or safety. However, looking at the reviews, it made me remember something: if big pharma either can’t profit from something or sees it as competition because it’s a natural remedy they don’t own, then they would probably counter any research efforts on the stuff. Or at least not fund it. So, as ever, do your own research before listening to what some chick on the interwebz has to say. Because I’m that chick and I still wanna look it up a bit more before ordering my own. And, as ever, after you’ve tried and survived it, come report your findings back here like my sweet scientific canaries that you are.

Oh, and word of warning to recreational users seeking bunny dope while their dealers are on holiday:

This legal brand o’ hare-oin won’t get you high in large doses.

Just a more irreversible, permanent version of what everyone else came to this article for – sleep.