Hello there, darling.
How was your sleep last night?
Did you rest like a log? Or more like a log was crushing your vertebral string the whole time?
Ah. I can relate. While some people talk about drunkenly going to bed with a ten and waking up with a two, for some of us, it’s the reverse – on a scale o’ personal pain instead’a pretty partners. And I’ve been there. Still am, actually. Every day, I’ve gotta face this monster of ouchery head on. And while that sucks for me, what that means for you is that I’ve done a lotta research in my day to find the best way I can sleep to awake with a less spiralized spine. Thus, here’re a few tips I’ve learned from the pain mavens about sleep habits:
Side Switching
I remember – in the earlier days of my pain investigations – reading about how “sleeping on your side” was a good fix for bad backs. And while this still holds true, there’s an important yes-and to it: While you should pick your comfiest position, they do suggest you swap sides you sleep on every so often. Otherwise, you might start shifting your backbone into an unnatural position, making your sitch even worse. Hello frying pan contents (AKA my own osseous dorsal cord), meet fire. Wish I’d’ve known this tip far earlier. But, ya know what they say – my mistake’s your paved way to painlessness.
Hot Showers
This is something I should really start doing. While my rationale’s previously been “What’s the point in taking a shower when I’m just about to go for a run and get grosser within the next hour anyway?”, the pain pros make a good argument in favor of a morning shower. As you might’ve guessed, that’s the fact that the heat and steam helps loosen up your body meat. In fact, if I did this before my yoga, I’d probably be a bit more serene and make this face a li’l less during those first few poses.
Knee Squeezers
Sometimes a bad back can set off a domino effect of other issues – like your hips. For sufferers of this sort, it’s suggested often that you take your extra pillow (if you’re sleeping beside me, though, good luck; ‘cause I’m a cushion thieving queen) and lodge it betwixt your knees. What this does is take the pressure off your hips and back enough to keep everything from tightening up while you try to power off for the evening. And – if you’re not like me and you don’t spend the night unknowingly flopping around like a spilled-from-the-bowl goldfish, thereby projectile launching said pillow across the room – then you might just notice that you wake up in less agony than usual. Be sure to leave me a comment on how that works out for you, so I can vicariously enjoy your experience.
Invest
This is what my physical therapist always calls it – an “investment”. For the rest of the world, bedtime’s a nice relaxing way to recharge. For you ‘n I, however, it’s a daunting frienemy. Are we beleaguered and craving rest? Yes. Are we dreading bed’s effect on our body by sunrise? Yes and half. That’s why what you do outside of sleeptime’s so crucial so you don’t spend your morning mourning the lost hours you could’ve been doing something else other than four hours worth of exercises as you try to come alive. What’s that mean? Well, getting in with a body shaman like I’ve got (AKA physical therapist), doing the exercises they issue you religiously, and making sure to keep on top of your doctor’s appointments. I feel qualified to speak on this because I’m A.) terrible at following this advice myself B.) can thus vouch for how shizzy you’ll feel when you don’t follow said very good advice, and C.) can also vouch for how much better it’s felt on the rare occasions I do get it right. The one thing that does save me, though? The fact that I do a yoga routine e’rry morning to stretch out the taut muscles I wake mummified in. Where could I improve? Doing all my stretching and exercises before bed instead’a being the lazypants I am. That – and being more posture conscious during the day (‘cause eventually a hunchback stance feels just as ugly as it looks.)
And there ya have it. In a nutshell: Invest the time, take hot showers, do the exercises, watch your posture…. And if you’re spastic like this bish here – maybe get creative and have someone strap sideways-you in Dexter style so your pillow’ll stay between your damned knees.
So, let’s all raise a mug of Motrin spiked Valerian root tea and make a toast: here’s to sleeping right.
(Or left… if you’ve been doing “right” for too long.)